How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
