I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
