True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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