All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I look better un-naked...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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