got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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