You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
