just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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