She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
