He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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