So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
