You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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