who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
