You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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