Just mADE A PArabola og urine
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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