i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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