My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
