If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
