My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
