I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
