just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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