that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
