she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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