I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
