If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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