i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize