i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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