This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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