bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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