it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
