took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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