I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
