Jerry, you need to find god
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
