i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
