That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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