First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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