once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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