A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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