u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
