I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They have beer where we have blood.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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