Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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