ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
