My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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