It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
