I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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