absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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