I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it because I queefed?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
