Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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