Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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