I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
