I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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