even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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