Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
