No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
