Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
