i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
