Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
as a side note pls kill me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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