Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
