If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
