We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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