WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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