her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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