so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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