Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
