i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
