just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
