woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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