I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need to get me chipped asap
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
