I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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