you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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