Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
