i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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